


(i want you to stop) insisting that i'm not a lost cause

by localatbest



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Daughter!Reader - Freeform, He doesn't deserve it, Jarvis Takes Sides in Arguments, Kidnapping, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Not Happy, Probably ooc, and steve is very emotional, avenger!reader, but here we are, dad tony stark, i made buck so mean in this, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 04:31:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20186308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/localatbest/pseuds/localatbest
Summary: Y/N did not appreciate her boyfriends leaving every week to take down a different Hydra base, but she wasn't prepared to have to join them when another team member is injured.She struggles to hold her own against Bucky's demands during the mission, and in her struggle to keep the two men safe, she must put herself in danger. When one of her boyfriends gets injured, though, she knows the blame lies with her and no one else.But can she make it until someone comes to save her?





	(i want you to stop) insisting that i'm not a lost cause

Y/N trailed behind her boyfriends as they made their way to the Quinjet, ready for another mission with Natasha to take down still-active Hydra bases. While they weren’t on a strict schedule, they were trying to minimize the amount of time they had to spend away from the Compound. Y/N was left back in upstate New York because she had a similar skill set to Natasha, and it made little sense to have four people when three could do the job better. However, her understanding didn’t make it any easier to watch her boyfriends get to go on important missions while she was left home alone to continue training and staying in shape, on the off-chance Steve decided to send her on a mission. 

Natasha was waiting for the three of them when they arrived, so the farewells the three shared were brief. “Bye, Stevie, be careful,” she gathered the larger man into a hug, kissing him on the cheek as she did so. “And you, too, Buck, and keep him in line," she repeated the gesture with the dark-haired super-soldier.

“Bye, love, see you tomorrow," Bucky said, offering her a shaggy salute and turning with Steve to board the jet. From the cabin, Natasha grinned and waved goodbye to her as well. 

Y/N turned back toward the Compound, not able to watch the Quinjet leave, even if she knew they would be back by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. To take her mind off of her solitude, she decided to visit her father in the lab, both to offer some help and see what his latest project was. 

On the elevator down to the lab, she asked Jarvis if Tony was alone, or if anyone else was with him. “_Ms. Y/N, Sir is joined by Mr. Barton and Mr. Parker currently_,” the AI’s voice spoke. 

“Thanks, J,” she said. She always felt guilty if she didn’t thank him, even though her father had told her repeatedly it didn’t matter since he was an AI. 

The elevator doors opened to the lab and she saw Tony and Peter hunched over something on one of the lab tables, and Clint nowhere to be seen. “Hey, Tony! Hey, Pete!” she called out, announcing her presence early, so she wouldn’t startle either of them.

The pair turned, and confusion spread across Peter’s face before Tony spoke. “And what brings you down here, Mini Widow? Missing a couple popsicles?” 

She rolled her eyes at her father's antics. He wasn't thrilled when she told him about her relationship with the two super-soldiers, but he had slowly warmed up to the idea when he saw how they treated her. However, she still hadn't told them about her and Tony.

It was easy to hide most of the time because she took strongly after her mother and looked almost nothing like Tony at all. He had decided, when she was born, to give her her mother’s last name, a decision which would help keep her safe later in life when he became a superhero. Only Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Pepper, and Rhodey knew about her and Tony, and she hadn’t been able to find an easy way to tell her boyfriends. 

“Yeah, honestly, I’m pretty bored so I thought I’d bug you and Spiderling down here,” she paused. “And also Clint, Jarvis told me he was here, but since I can’t see him I figure I’ll try to find him to keep myself occupied.”

Tony gestured vaguely with a screwdriver, “Well, knock yourself out then, I guess. Also, you're more than welcome to join me and Pep for dinner tonight, since Thing 1 and Thing 2 are gone for the night." She knew the offer was genuine and wanted to accept, but also didn't want to give too much away to Peter. Speaking of, the kid had already turned back to whatever he and Tony were working on, clearly deeming this conversation unimportant.

“How about I let you know later? I’ve gotta see what we’ve got in our kitchen that I can pull together, but if it’s as hopeless as I think, you might be stuck with me,” she offered in an even tone, trying not to give anything away to the kid. Right before Tony turned back to the bench she nodded frantically, and his eyes lit up as he grinned. 

\--

The trio had finished dinner and Y/N was helping Pepper wash the dishes and clean the kitchen while Tony poured a glass of whiskey for himself. 

“_Sir, I have been asked to inform you that the Quinjet is on its way back and Ms. Romanoff has sustained several injuries_,” Jarvis’s voice interrupted the comfortable quiet. 

“How bad are her injuries, J?” Tony asked, already in motion to call a med team in. 

“_Not life-threatening. She has sustained a broken collar bone and a concussion. However, the mission had to be cut short and her, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes only infiltrated one base today_.”

“That’s fine, Jarvis. Let them know the landing pad is clear and there’s space in the med bay for her if she needs it.” Tony turned to Y/N. “I guess you’ll be going up to retrieve your two?” She nodded. “Alright, well I might as well go, too, and help Nat if she needs it.” 

“Thanks for dinner, Pepper, it was great! Sorry I’m heading out so soon, though,” she turned to Pepper who shot the other woman a look that held more than understanding. “And thanks, Dad, for letting me be a bother tonight.”

Tony turned to kiss Pepper before facing Y/N. “You’re never a bother, you know that, little one.” He threw his arm over her shoulder and guided her toward the elevator. 

When they arrived at the landing pad, the Quinjet was just touching down, and Y/N stepped eight inches to her left to put a padding of space between her and Tony. 

Bucky was the first off the jet, looking angry as he stormed past Y/N and into the compound. Tony stiffened next to Y/N. “Tony, don’t. You know how you are after a bad mission,” she attempted to placate him. 

Steve was next, helping Natasha, even though she didn’t look like she wanted or needed the help. He was ever the gentleman though and was unlikely to avoid helping an injured teammate. 

“Hey, Y/N, hey, Tony,” he called out. Tony stepped forward to meet them and took Natasha from Steve. 

“I’m gonna take this one to med bay to get her a sling, you two do whatever weird reunion thing you do without Manchurian Candidate,” Tony’s voice was clipped, and Y/N could hear his underlying anger at Bucky for ignoring her. 

“Hey, Stevie. Bad mission, huh?” she asked. He simply nodded, peeling off the outer layers of his uniform. Once the top part was off, he gathered her into his arms, nearly holding her up as she melted under his kiss. 

“Yeah, and we’re gonna have to hold off on the other bases until Natasha is all healed up, unless I can convince Sam to take a break from the VA for a month or two,” he spoke frustratedly. 

_Pick me! Take me! I can do it, too!_ She wanted to say. But she wouldn’t. If they wanted to put her on the mission, they would have done it already. So, she would remain at the Compound and would continue to be the one left behind. 

\--

Or not. Natasha had somehow convinced Steve and Bucky that because Y/N had trained with her, that their skillsets were similar enough that the plans wouldn’t have to be severely altered, like they would if Sam was able to step in. 

“Y/N, do you want to go out on the mission with us?" Bucky asked after Natasha had given her pitch to the three of them. 

“Of course! I mean, um, since Nat can’t, I don’t mind filling her place for right now,” Y/N stumbled to correct herself and not look so eager to join her boyfriends. 

“Alright, so that’s settled. We’ll brief tomorrow morning at 0900 and hopefully head out by 1100,” Steve spoke, his voice full of Captain America authority. Y/N nodded her assent and watched the two men leave. She, however, stayed behind to talk to Natasha. 

“Thank you so much, Nat! I promise I’ll make you proud.”

“Y/N, you already make me proud every day,” Natasha responded in a rare moment of vulnerability. “Just go out there and do what we’ve worked on and you’ll be fine. Now go get some rest, tomorrow will be busy.” Y/N took her advice and turned to join her boyfriends in their apartment. 

\--

This time when the Quinjet left, it was Tony left alone to watch it leave. 

“It’s not like Tony to monitor us leaving. Do either of you know anything about that?” Bucky asked Steve and Y/N. Y/N tensed, Tony had stopped by to wish her good luck and to tell her to call if she needed anything. Typical helicopter parent, quite honestly. 

“I’m sure he just wanted to see if you guys were actually letting me go with you. He tells me he thinks you baby me, so that might’ve been it? I’m not sure if anyone knows what’s happening in his mind ever, though,” she attempted to joke and make light of the situation, but both men could tell she was on edge about something. 

Bucky settled into the copilot seat beside Steve, leaving Y/N to sit toward the back, alone. A pit settled into Y/N’s stomach; she had an off feeling about this mission. She had tried to tell Bucky earlier, but he brushed it off as nerves since it had been a while since her last mission. 

The flight to the Hydra base lasted only a few hours, and the last hour in the air was spent organizing weapons and putting uniforms on. Y/N’s was quite similar to Natasha’s, an all-black outfit that she paired with combat boots. Bucky watched with a careful eye as Y/N stashed knives on her person, as well as two guns in addition to the one she would be holding. 

“Buck, I know you said it was just nerves, but I really don’t have a good feeling about this base,” she said as he began the process of storing his knives. 

“If you didn’t feel comfortable coming on this mission then you should have told me last night. When we get in, keep communicating and we’ll be fine.” His brisk tone startled her, and she gave a short nod. Turning, Y/N put her earpiece in and walked toward the center of the jet, where she didn’t have to be so close to him. 

The jet landed a few minutes later and Steve led the three toward the base. There were no visible Hydra agents on the outside like Bucky and Steve had predicted, but that could have meant they vacated it after the other base had been destroyed. 

The group walked single-file along the main hallway until Steve motioned that they should split up. Y/N would be going left, Steve straight, and Bucky right.

Y/N darted across the hallway with her gun poised to shoot. She didn’t see any movement in the first room she entered, so she quickly moved onto the next room. There was one agent in the second room who hadn’t seen her coming and who she took out quickly with a headshot. 

“I’ve only seen one agent so far on my side, how about you guys?” she spoke. 

“I’ve got nothing,” Steve’s voice came in through her earpiece. 

“Same for me,” Bucky’s followed. 

She nodded and continued down her stretch of hallway. The next room appeared to be a control room for something. “I’m heading for the control room now. I’ve got one more room after that, so you guys can head out if you’re done and I’ll follow.” How could she tell them to get out of the building as soon as possible without telling them what she had found?

"Y/N, no, we'll come to meet you where you are,” she heard Steve. 

“Steve, no. Get out of here as soon as possible and I’ll be right behind you.”

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Now Bucky’s voice rang through again. “Where are you?”

“I need you two to get out of here as soon as possible. Okay? I said I will follow you as soon as I’m able. Now get out of here!” Y/N finally yelled. She had gotten close enough to the control room to see it was full of Hydra agents and it also showed a countdown on one of the screens. While she was talking to Steve and Bucky, the time had continued to dwindle, and now it was only at fifteen seconds. 

She took a shot at one of the agents, and the rest turned to her, raising their own guns. Y/N was no match for twelve armed men, even if she had trained under the Black Widow. “Are you two safe?” she spoke into her mic.

“We’re right near the entrance, Y/N, waiting for you.”

“No! Get farther-“ She watched the countdown reach zero, but none of the agents in front of her flinched. Through her earpiece, she heard the explosion.

One of the Hydra agents smirked at her. “We’ve been watching the Avengers and we knew you would split up. So we took our chances and decided that taking one of you would be better than allowing all three of you to get away with your crimes.”

“Y/N, Y/N, what the hell was that?” Bucky’s yell echoed in her ear. “You better be out in less than a minute, I swear. Stevie! Stevie! Where are you?” She could hear signs of a struggle, like Bucky was lifting things out of his way. 

“Buck!” A pained gasp from Steve rang through the earpiece. “Buck, I’m pinned under a piece of concrete, I can’t feel my leg!” Tears pricked in her eyes at Steve’s voice. 

“Y/N, this is what happens when we don’t communicate. Now you’ve gone and gotten Steve hurt because you couldn’t give us a straight answer.”

“Buck, Steve, I need you to get out of here. Get to the Quinjet and get Steve help back at the Compound, I’ll be okay.”

Y/N slowly placed the gun she was holding on the ground, trying not to startle any of the agents into shooting her. She knelt and put her hands on her head. The agent to the left of the one who had spoken before came behind her and roughly tied her arms together behind her back. 

He yanked the earpiece out of her ear and pulled the connected mic up through her sleeve. “Listen to this one, telling you to get out. She’ll be regretting that soon enough, won’t she?”

Y/N could hear Steve’s yelling, tinny and muffled when the speaker wasn’t in her ear, but she just hoped he and Bucky had enough sense to go back to New York. The agent snapped the wire, effectively cutting off all communication to the Avengers. She turned her head to face forward and were met with the butt of a gun, hitting her temple and knocking her out. 

\--  
(at the compound)

Tony was really getting sick of these announcements from Jarvis that someone else had been injured on Steve’s missions. He went up to the landing pad along with Natasha, Clint, and Dr. Cho. If Steve’s injuries were that bad, then Dr. Cho would need to see him immediately. 

Barnes carried Steve off the Quinjet and immediately followed Dr. Cho to the med bay. Tony waited to see Y/N follow. He waited. And waited. And Y/N never appeared. He turned to Natasha, who seemed to also be reaching a similar conclusion. 

Tony ran toward the med bay and reached Steve’s room only seconds after Barnes and Dr. Cho. “Where is she?” he gasped.

“Who? Y/N?” Barnes said coldly. 

“Yes, Y/N, who else could I mean?” Tony’s snark came out more in his anxiety. 

“Y/N didn’t tell us the building was going to be blown up while we were still in it. In fact, she didn’t stop it even though she could have. She put us in danger because of her lack of communication.” Bucky recited it like it was a script, almost like he didn’t believe it himself. 

“That doesn’t help me figure out where she is though does it?” Tony shouted. 

Tony watched as several emotions passed across Barnes’ face. Anger. Shock. Fear. Sadness. “Shit. I-I, they took her. They ambushed her, and they took her. She told us to get out of there, and then one of them grabbed the earpiece and said she would regret it.” As soon as Barnes said it, he sunk to the floor, collapsing in his shock. “I let them take her. It’s my fault, not hers. Tony, we’ve gotta get her back!” He looked up pleadingly at Tony.

“You let Hydra kidnap my-!” He cut himself off, taking a shaky breath. Natasha shot him a concerned look. “You just let your girlfriend be kidnapped by Hydra because you were angry that she got to go on a mission with you and your boyfriend. Think about that, and then when Steve is healed and ready to go, come to the lab and we’ll fucking find her.”

\--

When Y/N came to, she found her arms were chained to a metal loop sticking out of a brick wall, and she was lying on a cement floor. She could feel she had been stripped of her knives and guns, and her shirt had been ripped off. Her leggings and boots remained, though, and she found herself thankful for small miracles. 

Not long after she woke up, two Hydra agents came in. “Hello, little Avenger, if we should even call you that,” the taller one said. “I hope you’re feeling talkative today.”

Y/N glared up at him from her position on the floor, spitting on his shoes. “Oh, so that’s how the bitch wants to be? Fine!” he yelled, kicking her in the ribs.

“Fuck off. I’m not telling you anything.” Her voice sounded stronger than she felt, but they just needed to believe that she felt strong, not that she was. 

The smaller one had been smoking a cigarette the whole time and crowded into her face, blowing a puff of smoke at her. He grabbed her left arm and burned out his cigarette on her wrist. Y/N hissed at the pain, knowing it would only get worse from there. 

“You’ll get food when you’re ready to talk,” the taller one said before the pair left the room, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts. 

\--

Back at the Compound, Tony worked tirelessly with Jarvis, running algorithms, scans, and using satellites to try to figure out where Y/N had been taken. Bucky and Steve, joining him after Steve had rested from his injuries, were shocked to see the man in such a state. Tony barely acknowledged their presence, instead leaving them to work with Natasha on small missions to take down several other bases. 

Given the failure of the previous mission, they adjusted their plan, having Natasha work from the Quinjet, and Steve and Bucky infiltrate the base and not split up, as they had been doing before. 

After they had taken down final four bases on their list, with no sign of Y/N, they returned to Tony’s lab. “Nothing yet?” Bucky asked gruffly, watching as Tony moved the holographic screens around him.

Tony’s glare served as answer enough to the super soldiers. “Are you sure there couldn’t possibly be more bases in this area?” he asked, pointing to one screen that highlighted an area in the south of Russia. 

“The bases on our list were the ones I was taken to, but there’s no telling if there was one they avoided,” Bucky responded. He and Steve had worked carefully with Shuri to draw out the memories of the bases without triggering the Winter Soldier, and he was confident they had done so successfully. 

“Well, in that case, Jarvis, track movement around the base from the other day before and after Y/N was taken.”

“_Sir, I have already done so, and there was no clear movement before the Quinjet arrived, and there has been none since. Either Ms. Y/N is still being kept there, or there was another way for them to access the base that Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes didn’t find while they were there_.”

Steve knew Jarvis was just a computer, essentially, but that didn’t stop him from being offended at Jarvis’s tone, suggesting he and Bucky hadn’t done their job properly. 

Tony looked at the satellite footage of the base where Y/N had been taken. “J, you got a floor plan on this?” A screen to his left lit up, showing the different rooms, and highlighting the one Y/N had been captured in. “Are there any doors or hallways on this that don’t make sense to you?”

“_Sir, the hallway that Y/N went down appears to narrow considerably before dropping off the floorplan approximately 50 yards from the front entrance. It seems that it may lead to an underground passage of sorts_,” as Jarvis spoke, the hallway in question lit up on the screen. 

“Well, if they went underground, and the hallway was that narrow, then they had to have walked to wherever they were going, right? So we’ll narrow the search zone to 10 miles around the base.”

“You don’t think they could have gotten further?” Steve asked. Tony simply shook his head.

“You two took out nine of their bases in the past two months, and four more in the past two weeks, they need to lay low and not draw attention to themselves. If they couldn’t walk there, it’s out of the question.” 

\--

Y/N let her head fall back against the brick wall, feeling the blood pour down her wrist toward her shoulder. Her arms ached from the position she had been in, and as time passed, she began to lose hope that anyone was coming for her. 

“Should we tell her who’s next door?” the shorter agent asked the taller one, clearly a taunt for Y/N to give up some information to find out the answer. 

“Might as well, maybe she’ll be cooperative to get him out of here alive,” the bigger one said. 

_Him? Was it Bucky? Please don’t be Bucky, please don’t be Bucky_, she thought to herself. 

“Well, little miss, Captain America hasn’t come for you, but maybe he’ll come for Iron Man, huh?” Her blood turned cold, _not Tony_. 

“You’re lying! There’s no way you’ve got him. You only got me because of a fluke,” she tried to call their bluff, to see if she could get a read from them. 

“Ah-ah-ah, you say it was a fluke, but we had it planned to the last detail. Iron Man tried to take down one of our other bases, alone, and couldn’t overpower us. How lucky we are to have two Avengers here—perhaps we’ll get the whole set soon enough,” the taller man teased, spitting at her.

Y/N’s mind whirled with this new information. There was no way they knew about her and Tony. Almost no one knew. _How did they know he would get to her? Had she let anything slip while she was asleep?_

“What do you want to know?” Her resolve weakened knowing Tony might be in more danger because of her silence. 

“Well, well, well, look who wants to talk now,” the shorter one said, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket. 

“I’ll give you what you want, just let To-, just let Iron Man go,” she pleaded, wanting desperately to believe this would help in some way. 

“Alright, how did the Winter Soldier and Captain America know which bases to attack?” the taller one started. 

“He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore, he doesn’t belong to you. But it turns out all the times you wiped his memory weren’t successful and he still had some idea of where he had been taken,” Y/N spit out, ready to defend Bucky until her dying breath. 

“And what about you? Where do you fit into the Avengers puzzle? Why didn’t we have any information on who you were?”

“I train under the Black Widow and Iron Man and have worked behind the scenes for eight years. But it’s not my fault you had bad intel, that seems like an issue for you two to handle.”

The taller one spit at her again. “Starving and beaten, and yet the bitch still shows her true colors. How typical of the Avengers to have you as a member.”

“Well, she has given us information, so maybe she deserves some bread and water?” The shorter one smirked at her, lips still stretched around the cigarette. 

“Ah, quite right, we did say she would be rewarded for talking,” the taller one answered, and abruptly spun on one heel toward the door.

As he left, the shorter one crowded Y/N against the wall, taking a pocketknife and tracing her ribs, swollen and bruised as they were from the kicks she had received. “Wouldn’t it be a shame if Captain America did come for Iron Man and left you here all alone?” he whispered, the smell of smoke thick on his breath. “Maybe we should just keep you as a pet. A little training, a little punishment, I’m sure you would be obedient in no time.”

Y/N turned her head away, looking at the opposite wall. “You can fuck right off if you think I’ll ever be Hydra scum,” she breathed out. Immediately, she felt a sharp pain on her left side as he put force behind his knife. 

“Oh darling, you already are,” and with that, he burned out his cigarette on her arm and stood, just in time for the taller agent to enter. 

The agent walked toward her, holding a quarter of a small loaf of bread and a bowl of water. He placed both on the ground near her hips and walked out again, this time with the other man trailing him. 

Given that her hands were bound to the wall behind her, Y/N had to figure out a way to maneuver her feet to nudge both the bowl and the piece of bread up toward her face, and she lay as flat as she could to tear pieces of the bread and drink from the bowl.

When she finished the piece of bread, her stomach whined for more food, but she was more grateful for the water. Hydra had given her a bowl of water pretty regularly, but this was the first time she had received any actual food. 

\--

“_Sir_,” Jarvis spoke, waking Tony from his slumped position against the workbench. 

“Yeah, J?” Tony muttered, wiping the sleep from his eyes and sitting up.

“_I think I may have found where Ms. Y/N is. There is a rather neglected building 4.5 miles north of the base where Ms. Y/N was taken, but there has been steady activity over the past 24 hours both inside and outside of the base_.”

Tony’s heart jumped, this had to be it. He said Hydra was going underground, and what better way to lay low than to literally use an abandoned building. “That’s gotta be it. J, round up Rogers, Barnes, Wilson, Barton, and Natasha. We’re gonna need backup.”

Tony sent the coordinates to the Quinjet’s computer and ran to the landing pad. Barnes and Rogers soon followed, and Natasha, Clint, and Sam arrived a few minutes later. 

“Tony, are you sure this is it?” Natasha asked, interrupting the anxious quiet in the jet. 

“It has to be, or I don’t know what I’ll do,” he responded from the pilot’s seat. 

As they approached the base, Steve laid out the plan. “Natasha, you’ll be in the jet like last week, working with Jarvis to navigate us through the building. Sam, take Clint up to a vantage point, then circle to the back of the base and take care of anyone escaping that way. Tony- you, me, and Bucky will enter the base and neutralize all threats, and then find where they’re keeping Y/N. Everyone set?” He waited for their nods or hums of assent before glancing at Tony. “Alright, let’s go get Y/N.”

\--

Natasha’s voice came through the earpieces, “Alright, guys, there’s one more heat signature in the building, and Jarvis identified it as Y/N. She’s down the hall from Steve and Bucky, third room on the left.”

Steve nodded and followed Bucky's quick pace toward the room in question. The door is locked, but Bucky swiftly kicks it in.

It was quiet, but Steve heard the other man gasp when he saw Y/N. The two raced over to her, and Steve used his shield to sever the chain tying her to the wall. 

As soon as the chain was free, she collapsed, and Bucky rushed to catch her. Steve would have stepped in to help, but stopped, knowing Bucky needed to do this. 

Bucky stood then, cradling Y/N’s unconscious form in his arms, and turned to walk back to the Quinjet. 

When the two men turned, Tony was standing there in full armor, with his arms stretched out. “Barnes, give her to me.”

Bucky stepped back, his arms tightening on Y/N’s form. “Tony, let him-,” Steve started, recognizing Bucky’s guilt.

Natasha came through their earpieces again. “No, let Tony take Y/N.” 

Bucky still hesitated and glanced at Steve, who shrugged. 

“Barnes, let me take Y/N or I swear I’ll deactivate your arm and make it so you could never reattach another. Do you understand?” Tony’s threat might have fallen flat if his voice hadn’t cracked on Y/N’s name, audible even through the metallic edge of the voice through the suit. 

Reluctantly, Bucky passed Y/N to Tony, who managed to cradle her even more carefully than Bucky. “Oh, Y/N, what did they _do_ to you?” he whispered, voice full of emotion. 

Tony led them to the Quinjet and sat in the back with Y/N in his lap for the full flight back to the Compound. He only passed Y/N to Steve for a moment when he disengaged his suit, but that was the only time she was out of his reach. 

Dr. Cho was waiting for the team on the landing pad and led Tony, Steve, and Bucky to the med bay. Tony laid Y/N on the bed and collapsed into the chair nearest it. 

“Jarvis confirmed she has three broken ribs. Her cuts and burns have the possibility of becoming infected, so they need to be treated as soon as possible, and she is severely dehydrated and has lost ten pounds of muscle. I’ll be putting her in a medically induced coma for a few days so we can monitor her condition, but she should be awake and talking by the end of the week.”

Tony nodded his understanding and sat back, allowing Dr. Cho and her team to hook Y/N up to several IVs and put her in a hospital gown. 

\--

Four days later, Dr. Cho told Tony and Bucky, the constant presences in Y/N’s room, that Y/N would wake up today. 

Tony, Natasha, Steve, and Bucky sat in Y/N’s room, Tony and Natasha closest to the bed, and Steve and Bucky closest to the door. Bucky had been kept at a distance by Tony’s glare, and he struggled to understand the man’s anger. 

Tony felt better than he had in days, knowing Y/N would be waking up today. He had her left hand in a tight grasp and was deep in a whispered conversation with Natasha. 

An hour after Dr. Cho told them she would be waking up, Y/N’s hands started to twitch. Tony startled and began watching her with rapt attention, waiting for her to open her eyes. 

Fifteen minutes later, she groaned as she took a deep breath. She slowly blinked her eyes open, blinded by the lights in the room. As she oriented herself, she met Natasha’s gaze. She offered Y/N a small smile and tilted her head. 

Y/N followed her movement and saw Tony, realizing his hand was on hers. “Dad!” she gasped. “Dad, you’re okay!”

Tony’s face looked like it might split in two with his grin. “Honey, as long as you’re okay, I’m okay.” Tears fell from his eyes, but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. 

“They said they had gotten you, that they were gonna, gonna k-kill you, if I didn’t give them anything.” Her relief at seeing him alive was palpable in the room. 

“Y/N, honey, they never got me,” he leaned over her and gently wrapped her in a hug. Even with the IVs and bandages on her arms, she returned the hug, holding tightly to him. “You’re so brave, you’re so strong, and you made it. We’ve got you back now,” he whispered into her shoulder, a reassurance for himself as much as for her. 

During the reunion, Bucky and Steve had been sitting tensely near the foot of Y/N’s bed. Bucky turned to face Steve slightly, tearing his eyes from her. “_Did you know_?” his expression read. Steve shook his head, though suddenly Tony’s behavior over the past few weeks made much more sense. 

They faced her again, watching her hug Natasha tightly. Neither of them missed her wiping a few tears from her cheeks. 

Steve prepared to get out of his seat and move closer to Y/N when Rhodey came in with Tony’s lunch. 

“Honeybear!” she gasped. 

“Hey, honeybunch. How ya feelin’?” While Rhodey hadn’t expected her to be awake so soon, he recovered from his surprise well. 

“I’m sore, but I’m glad to be safe. Thanks for takin’ care of Dad while I was out.”

“You don’t even know that he took care of me! Plus, I’m not even that bad!” Tony protested. 

“Dad, he’s bringing you lunch even though you’re perfectly healthy. He’s definitely been taking care of you,” Y/N shot her father a look and he conceded, much more readily than he might have if she was fully healthy. “Anyway, honeybear, what’d ya bring me?”

Rhodey chuckled and held up a foil-wrapped package. “Well, it’s your dad’s leftover pizza from last night, but I’m sure he’ll share some with you. Are you allowed to eat yet?” Rhodey had a fair point. In the joy of the reunion, no one had called Dr. Cho in for her to give Y/N a quick checkup. 

“J, can you send Cho in?” Tony spoke, his eyes not leaving Y/N’s face as he continued to witness her as she should be, alive and well, and not unconscious in a hospital bed, as she had been. 

Dr. Cho entered only a minute later, and Steve and Bucky snuck out while Y/N was distracted. They understood now that they were not a part of the family dynamic she had with Tony, Nat, and Rhodey, and didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. 

Dr. Cho finished her checkup quickly, and as soon as she left Y/N made grabby hands at Rhodey. He handed over one slice of pizza, and eat it slowly, you haven’t had food in your stomach for a while, Y/N. Y/N didn’t have to wonder long about where Tony got his parenting skills. 

She nibbled on her slice before hesitantly speaking up, “I-Is Steve okay? Did he and Bucky make it back okay, from, from the first base?”

Tony nearly choked on his own slice, unprepared for questions about the super soldiers, since his own anger was still too raw to process. 

In Tony’s silence, Nat answered, “Yeah, he had a piece of rebar through his thigh, a few broken ribs, and a concussion, but he healed up within two days. He and Barnes made it back here a few hours after you were taken, and he hadn’t lost too much blood. After he rested up, we took down four more bases and then worked with Tony to find you.”

Y/N put down her pizza at that. _God, they were never going to forgive her_. She tried to warn them, she had had a gut feeling about the base. If only she had been more persistent, maybe Steve wouldn’t have gotten hurt and maybe they’d have been with her when she woke up. 

“Everything okay, Y/N?” Tony had watched her carefully throughout Nat’s response, and he knew he would have to have a serious conversation with one super soldier in particular. 

“It’s my fault,” she broke down in tears. “It’s all my fault. I tried to tell them, tried to get them out of there, but they didn’t listen, and then Steve got hurt and Bucky told me I had to be more, more responsible and communicate instead of sabotaging my own team. I just wanted them to be safe you know? I figured if I could get them out of there quickly then I would have at least helped _some_. I just didn’t want them to hate me.”

Nat leaned forward in her chair, holding onto Y/N’s hand with Tony. “Y/N, it is not your fault. Steve was hurt, sure, but he healed. We listened to the playback from the earpieces. You _did_ communicate, you _did_ tell them to get out, you _were_ responsible. Barnes even said it himself when they got back, that you hadn’t done anything wrong and he was wrong to tell you that. The man worked himself into a full-blown panic attack over it. Luckily, when Steve woke up, he was able to calm Bucky down and redirect that energy toward finding you.”

Tony squeezed her hand under Nat’s. “Y/N, Y/N, Y/N, I promise it was not your fault. They won’t hate you, and you did your best to keep them safe. And you got them out of there, which, in my totally and completely unbiased opinion, shows how strong you are. Even though you were in danger, you wanted to keep them safe for as long as possible. Hell, that might make you the strongest Avenger, now.”

“Then why aren’t they here? I need to know that they’re okay. And I think we have some things to talk about,” she trailed off at the end, unhappy with the decision she was going to have to make. 

\--

Tony didn’t want to leave the room, he didn’t want to take his eyes off Y/N for more than a second, but together Y/N and Nat convinced him that she had to be alone with Steve and Bucky so they could all have an honest conversation with each other. 

The two super soldiers entered the room about two minutes after Tony had asked Jarvis to send them down. Tony left her with a kiss on her forehead, barely acknowledging the other men on his way out. 

“So, you wanted to talk to us?” Steve broke the silence after a moment, inching toward Y/N’s bed, but not making a move to sit down.

“Um, yeah, actually, first thing, you’re okay, right? Nat said you were, but I just needed to know myself,” she said, scanning his figure for any obvious signs of injury. 

“Yeah, Y/N, I’m perfectly fine now. I healed up about two days after we lost you. I think a better question is if you’re okay, though,” Steve spoke calmly, reassuringly, but Y/N could tell there were emotions he was keeping back. 

“I will be, soon, I think. Dr. Cho wants me to work my way up to eating more, and it’ll take about a month and a half for my ribs to heal up. I don’t have any infections and none of the bruising indicated internal bleeding, so all things considered, I’m not doing too badly.” Y/N picked at the sheets as she spoke, not meeting Steve or Bucky’s gaze. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glint as Bucky clenched his left hand in a fist. He hadn’t spoken, but she could feel his anger in the room. “Also, sorry that you didn’t know about Tony and me. It’s not something we like to put out there too loudly just in case the wrong ears were around. Please know that it was never a trust thing. I trust you with my life, but as time went on and we got more serious, I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Bucky sighed. “Y/N,” he spoke, voice gravelly with disuse. “I am so sorry about the things I said when we lost you at the base. It was not your fault. Nothing you did that day caused Steve to get injured. You did the best you could in the situation, and I will never be able to forgive myself for the things I said to you.”

A small smile appeared on her face, almost self-deprecating. “Bucky, it’s okay. I had time to think about it, and I forgive you. I know we say things in the heat of battle that we don’t always mean.” His shoulders relaxed infinitesimally. “But, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I love you both, with all of my heart. I trusted you, I still trust you, but clearly, that trust isn't reciprocated. You were so quick to blame me for Steve’s injury, to make me believe that I could have done more. Sure, not every day involves a life or death situation, but with our work, a lot of days will. I’m not sure I can be with someone who will so quickly turn against me in a situation like that.”

“Y/N, no, please don’t do this,” Steve pleaded, finally sitting on the chair next to your bed. 

“Stevie, baby, I’m sorry. Bucky, I’m sorry. I have to do what’s best for right now. Maybe one day, when you both prove to me that I can be treated as an equal in this relationship, we can re-discuss, but for right now, I am clearly the odd one out and I can’t be treated like that anymore. I love the love that you have for each other, and right now that love just doesn’t extend to me. I hope we can still be friends later down the road, and I really hope you won’t hate me for this.”

She watched Bucky’s expression shutter, his grief appearing briefly, before he blinked and covered it with a blank stare. “I understand, Y/N,” he said in a flat tone. 

She then turned to Steve, sitting to her right. His shoulders shook with repressed sobs, even as tears fell from his eyes. “I don’t understand. But I won’t fight you—I _can’t_ fight you. I love you, Y/N, and I trust you. And if this is what you need, I will give it to you if it will make you happy.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “Thank you both, so much. Thank you for finding me, thank you for giving me your love, thank you for giving me the chance to love you.”

Steve stood then, wiping his face dry and turning to leave. He made it to where Bucky was standing before quickly turning back to Y/N and standing by her bedside again. “Can I just have one hug before I go?” he whispered. 

She nodded, letting the tears finally spill down her cheeks. She sat up slightly and he gently wrapped her in his arms. She clung to his shoulders in return, peeking out to where Bucky was. He had turned his back to the two of them and was now facing the door, shoulders slightly hunched. 

A minute passed, and Steve let go, pressing a kiss to Y/N’s hairline with another whispered affirmation of his love. She met his eyes, expressing the same with just a glance. He turned and walked back toward Bucky, toward the door. 

As he reached Bucky’s side, Bucky wrapped his right arm around Steve, so his hand rested on Steve’s hip. Y/N watched Steve huddle his large frame into Bucky’s, watched them become the couple they must have been in Brooklyn in the 1940s. The men she had never known and would never know. 

Bucky’s cold acceptance had hurt her down to her core, but it solidified her belief that he would never be able to love her like he had loved Steve since the 40s. Despite this, she still fostered some hope that someday she might be able to have a relationship with them, where everyone was loved and treated equally. 

\--

Little did she know, however, that as soon as Bucky and Steve made it past Tony’s ever-stony glare, past Natasha’s concerned-yet-still-dissecting gaze, and up to their floor, that Bucky collapsed, sobbing into Steve’s chest. 

“I’m so sorry, I was so scared to have her with us, and then she, she was, was gone. And we had her back, and I thought it would be okay. Why can’t we just be okay, Stevie?”

Steve attempted to calm him down, while thinking the same thing to himself. _Why can’t we just be okay?_

They had ruined the best thing they had found in the twenty-first century because they couldn’t trust her while she put herself in danger to save them.

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!
> 
> this is by far not my first fic, but it is my first post on AO3 and my first reader insert + using Y/N, so if anything looks clunky or if anything should be tagged that i didn't tag, pls let me know!
> 
> thank u so much!
> 
> \- c
> 
> (title from rose-colored boy by paramore!)


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